In a complete and utter tragedy, British scientists have overruled the will of the people in naming a $290 million polar research vessel that they asked the internet for help with earlier this year.
“RSS Boaty McBoatface” was by a landslide the people’s choice, but that was apparently too much for the stiff upper lip of the British science community, who instead opted to name the ship after famed naturalist Sir David Attenborough, whose name came in fourth in the online poll.
Listen British scientists, don’t come asking for our help if you’re going to fill us with false hope and shatter all our dreams when you don’t get the cold, boring bullshit you’re accustomed to. You had a chance, a bright, shining chance, to change the perception of both science and British academia as boring, humorlessly cold drone people forever. And you failed. You failed so massively.
The Natural Environment Research Council (NERC) said that one of its remotely operated sub-sea vehicles will be named Boaty in recognition of the vote, which is like installing the winner of the popular election as Secretary of Health and Human Services and putting the candidate that dropped out months ago in the White House.
And in case you forgot how numbers work, scientists, may we remind you that Boaty McBoatface received 124,109 votes. RRS Sir David Attenborough got 11,000 votes. Only 11,000.
Do the right thing here, you lab coat pod people. Give us back Boaty McBoatface. Give her back.
The SHFFL 
[…] on it, Internet. We couldn’t save Boaty McBoatface, but we can sure as hell get a white whale […]
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