By the Numbers
Team Names: Slobber Monster, Volcano Hands Deini, Smokestack Lightnin’, Wolf Seazon, The Flair Chop, The Bushwhackers
Sign: Virgo-Libra Cusp
Most Played Song on iPod/Spotify/etc.: “Down and Out” by Cam’Ron
Tupac or Biggie: Biggie
Drink of Choice: Gin/Whiskey/Weed/Miller Lite
Regular Season Wins: 53
Regular Season Losses: 56
Games Played: 109
Winning Percentage: .486239
Points Scored: 10555.47
Points Against: 10558.73
PPG: 96.83917
Moves: 153
Trades: 9
Playoff Wins: 3
Playoff Losses: 3
Championship Wins: 0
In the League’s Words
“He’s getting closer to a championship. Not surprising given he’s a late-twenties college student with all the time in the world to ‘research’. This, as much as anything, should be a wake-up call to the league to GET OUR SHIT TOGETHER and put this sneaker collection at the bottom of the standings where he belongs.”
“A streaky drafter who has improved immensely over the years; I’ll confess I wasn’t sure how this addition would work to the league initially, but I’ve been very impressed by the commitment over the years (even if he did try to use “being in the woods” as a missed lineup change excuse). He’s good for drafting a few young studs higher than the more conservative managers and generally reaping great rewards from that, and then jealously hoarding those players no matter the insane trade offers of six players for one from the likes of Debbie later in the season. I think his winning percentage will improve if he builds on his positive momentum from the past few years, but there’s a chance he could regress back to attempting to draft players on the IR and going on six-hour bike rides starting at 12:55 PM on Sundays in the Fall.”
“Benedict Taquito.”
“Surprisingly better than expected. I think a lot of that attributes to the fact that he lived under my tutelage in his early SH years. My biggest issue here is that he is afraid to make moves. If you approach Verde on a possible trade, he will contact half the league to discuss, not realizing they are all sabotaging the deal. Unable to think on his own in SH–needs verification–which usually leads to him looking up at someone else holding the trophy. But, he’s been in running for a few years and has strong potential. Discussed and agreed trades: 9. Trades that have been canceled last minute after a hand shake: 9. His word is shit in SH. If he keeps managing scared, he won’t ever touch the Hot Carl.”
Record vs. Rest of League
Bread: 4-4
Baby Child: 3-4
Court: 2-8
Gary ColdCuts: 6-5
Debbie: 5-6
Chief: 3-6
Highlander: 7-3
Trellis: 6-3
Face: 2-7
Utah: 4-2
Lunch: 6-3
The SHFFL 