By the Numbers
Team Names: Gary ColdCuts, Started From the Bottom, GARY IS POWER 2014, Babes Love This Bruh, Hotties Shakin It, Team CFD, Chicken Necks
Sign: Unknown
Most Played Song on iPod/Spotify/etc.: Unknown
Tupac or Biggie: Unknown
Drink of Choice: Unknown
Regular Season Wins: 53
Regular Season Losses: 70
Games Played: 123
Winning Percentage: .430894
Points Scored: 10880.34
Points Against: 11374.57
PPG: 88.45805
Moves: 94
Trades: 10
Playoff Wins: 0
Playoff Losses: 2
Championship Wins: 0
In the League’s Words
“GCC is a Strictly Hands institution, as inseparable from the league as binge drinking, watching niche fetish pornography together, and season-long feelings of shame and regret. He was perhaps the most vocal member of the league in its earliest years, and for that we owe a lot of the current state of SH to him. That said, no one else has shown so much prolonged apathy and even at times disdain for our league, its owners, and even the game of fantasy football itself. He remains an important warm up opponent for the serious contenders every year, though I do secretly fear one year he’ll make good on his threats to permanently quit if he doesn’t get his way.”
“There has never been a lazier, more self-absorbed, and uselessly delusional manager in the history of fantasy football. GCC has literally never been anything other than actual shit and thinks he’s the proverbial shit for the completely wrong reasons. To hear him tell it, the emperor has on beautiful clothes; in truth, the emperor is doing nothing but shaking his naked unmentionables in your face. He is fucking clown shoes.”
“He is the Mike Vick of the league but far, far less successful. Had a blasé initial run, but for the sake of this metaphor let’s call it good. Then he was booted for apathy, the SH equivalent of dogfighting, and reinstated because his replacement was fat, lazy, broke (like McNabb) and stupid (like Kolb).”
“The crustacean of SH.”
“I think that sometimes GCC lacks focus, but has shined for moments. If they could put together a strong draft and stay on top of the season I feel that GCC could make a run for a championship one day. His keeper game could be equally as strong, but again, focus and care is lacking. We can’t wipe his ass. But I have definitely seen flashes of potential. Known to make ballsy moves, savvy in-season since his return. Gets a lot of heat from the league, but I think he has the most potential to become a top-tier manager.”
“First in our hearts, last in the standings, forever and always.”
Record vs. Rest of League
Bread: 3-8
Baby Child: 2-3
Court: 7-5
Debbie: 3-6
Chief: 8-4
Highlander: 5-7
Taquito Verde: 5-6
Trellis: 3-8
Face: 2-3
Utah: 1-1
Lunch: 5-5
The SHFFL 