By the Numbers
Team Names: Scat Back Trelly, Futomaki Fuckboys, Irish Chocolate, Fat Gleesh, The Fundraiser, Radioactive Nut, Black Jesus, Crippler Crossfaces, Boston Crab F.C.
Sign: Aries
Most Played Song on iPod/Spotify/etc.: The entire Illmatic album by Nas
Tupac or Biggie: Biggie
Drink of Choice: Bourbon
Regular Season Wins: 72
Regular Season Losses: 64
Games Played: 137
Winning Percentage: .529412
Points Scored: 12896.61
Points Against: 12657.69
PPG: 94.13584
Moves: 237
Trades: 14
Playoff Wins: 3
Playoff Losses: 4
Championship Wins: 1
In the League’s Words
“This is a man who comes in year in and year out with a broke-ass dick and PLAYS. He’s the commissioner’s calendar. He’s the muscle that collects late dues. He’s the voice of (t)reason. Let us also not forget that HE initiated Bellghazi and subsequently built a podium that would make monsieur Eiffel proud to bitch from. He’s the Hilary Clinton of the league. And worse, he’s going to vote for her.”
“Notorious for having an outsider provide draft intelligence.”
“I honestly have no idea how he has managed to stay relevant in this league. He has an inflated perception of his team EVERY SEASON. Usually yells and bullies the league because his team “scored more points than anyone” yet is in 9th place. Honestly, I do respect this franchise; he can put together a strong roster, but sometimes he is too smart for his own good. He has literally wasted time overthinking Joique Bell for five years running.”
“If he had his way we would all end the season with the same record and the same amount of points scored. We would all get trophies and probably create a human centipede.”
“The REALEST OUT. Promised me one late Saturday evening that he’d never stop going in and he hasn’t. Tu es muchos cajones?”
The SHFFL 