Strictly Hands Fantasy Football League Predictions used to be an annual occurrence, something you could count on always coming back no matter what. Like taxes, herpes, or the Bulletproof Tigers losing.   And then, around 2015, they stopped.   Managers floated a few theories, most of them questioning whether the passion simply went out. Was… Read More SHFFL Why Your Team Sucks 2018, Part I: The Return (Sort Of) of Season Predictions

#DicksOutForMigaloo… Read More There’s a Real-Life Moby Dick On His Way to Get Laid and You Need to Support Him

If you’re asked to sum up “Canada” in a series of images, you probably think of one of two things: 1) extremely polite pale people with their plaid shirts tucked into their jeans, or 2) heavily bearded lumberjacks swilling whisky and headbutting trees.   This story is about the latter.   Per the Canadian Broadcasting… Read More Canadian Man Celebrates Holiday Weekend by Punching Bear in the Face

Eleven-year-old Nihar Janga stole the spotlight Thursday night when he won his share of the 2016 Scripps National Spelling Bee, correctly spelling “gesellschaft” and then celebrating in epic fashion.   Shouts to Dez Bryant, Dante Hall, and Dwayne Michael Carter, Jr.   While most of us were left wondering just what in the hell “gesellschaft”… Read More The Definitive List of Every Winning Word in Spelling Bee History

We at Strictly Hands love a good bet. Peruse any of the entries in the Strictly Hands saga and you’ll find our history littered with bold predictions and propositional bets, many involving naming rights to teams and various forms of alcohol in the payoff.   But those bets pale in comparison to what a group… Read More Five Insane Prop Bets by the Gambling Elite

In a complete and utter tragedy, British scientists have overruled the will of the people in naming a $290 million polar research vessel that they asked the internet for help with earlier this year.   “RSS Boaty McBoatface” was by a landslide the people’s choice, but that was apparently too much for the stiff upper lip… Read More Science Kills Boaty McBoatface, Democracy Fails

This gentleman popped up on a Fox Sports soccer broadcast last night. He will now be announcing every Strictly Hands-related event in perpetuity.   Welcome home, Diego. Welcome home.   This guy FUCKS.

Pablo Sandoval better have broads in Atlanta.   A day after the Boston Red Sox announced the third-baseman was set to undergo shoulder surgery; it appears the “complicated procedure” has ended his season.   Per Yahoo Sports’ Jeff Passan, a “complicated” rotator cuff cleanup and torn labrum has brought to a premature end Sandoval’s 2016 campaign.… Read More Today in Fat Athletes: Pablo Sandoval’s Fatness Ends His Season

For those of us with limited exposure to English Premier League football (“soccer”), it’s difficult to understand why news of the Leicester City’s win is clogging up every newsfeed. After all, some team won the championship of some league somewhere. No big deal.   Actually, yeah. It’s a huge deal.   There have been some… Read More Leicester City’s Premier League Win is the Greatest Underdog Story Ever

Collecting baseball cards is one of those things that you’re really into as a kid but kind of forget about and wonder why you did at all as you get older. Like camping.   We’re just going to go sit in the wilderness? But…why?   However, whereas camping leaves you with nothing but an old tent and… Read More The Best Baseball Cards of All Time